I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
