He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
