Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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