I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
