the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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