He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize