have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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