What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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