If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
