Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
