I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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