Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
