So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
