my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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