WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
