Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All the doctor said was why
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
