the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
