no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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