my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
