names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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