Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
vagina is talking i cant
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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