I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
