how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize