My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
