I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
