Moan for me like Helen Keller
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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