i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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