I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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