peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
