Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
