He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ladies don't puke and tell
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
