FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
