You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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