hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
