I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
