Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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