Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
