someone get that fucking seahorse.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
