Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
