guys are not supposed to queef...right?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize