It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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