Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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