His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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