Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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