Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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