now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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