it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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