Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
