At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
