i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
