FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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