Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
