I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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