I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
