My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
