I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
