i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
