Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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