Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
