Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
