ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize