I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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