Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize