is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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