I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
