We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
