Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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