I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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