for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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