i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
