garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
