theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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